It’s been a while since I’ve been in the mindset of writing a blog post. A lot has happened in the past 3 months – mostly ups. I’ve been trying to focus on my inner self, listening to what it is I need and for the most part – it’s been the need to let things go and simplify. I’ve had a lot of creative ideas for blog posts, but no drive to see them through as I’ve been refusing to put my “social media” or “blogging” lens on. I’ve instead, been wanting to live through my experiences, as they come, and not get worked up about turning a natural experience into something I need to format and share.
Refining takes time. I try to constantly remind myself. So into December we go, closing the book of 2017 and I plan to continue to lay low and listen to myself.
I found this poem I wrote a while back, and of course it still speaks to me today.
Everyday I wake up to the rest of my life.
Wondering what trials and tribulations will face me today.
Completely unscathed by what was yesterday.
To feel or not to feel? You must press forward.
Is that the key to success, or the recipe for complete distress?
You tell me.
To feel or not to feel? You must press forward – I was referring to the American life, our expectations to work ourselves to the ground, but not for ourselves. We think it is for ourselves – working hard for vacation time, for the house or the family we think we need. And pressing forward is something American culture is good at- being numb to our own needs and wants as a human being, often times not knowing what it is we really want in life.
Is that the key to success, or the recipe for complete distress? – Is being numb and living for your job the only way to success? Or does it cause an inner dissonance?
Having written this in a moment when I was regretting my time wasted with school and struggling with multiple jobs, I meant it all in a negative way. But now as I’ve shed some things in my life, I now feel this is a question I am now asking myself again – to feel or not to feel? but most importantly WHAT is it that I want to feel? and now realizing that I am in control of that- this has become an encouraging poem.
So into the new year we must create what it is we want to feel and live for. It may take some time- which is the biggest lesson for me- but it will come, but in the mean time- don’t crowd your space and brain with unnecessary obligations (social gatherings, projects, etc.) otherwise you won’t allow yourself to find what it is you truly need.
Just be quite and listen.
Even if you have to listen for a long time.