Daydreaming

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I remember this day. It was the best part of the whole trip. It was the moment I finally let go of all the all my preconceived notions.  Jumping on that scooter and having the ability to roam foreign territory on our own, gave me the confidence to strip away the dependencies that made me feel boxed in my own judgement. That moment was what life should be about: floating, feeling – free.

I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. Each day as I come home from work I can’t help but feel a bit of angst and heavy emptiness. My whole day gone, my eyes burn, and my muscles continue to get soft as I sit in front of a computer for 10 hours a day. I try really hard to maintain my work – life balance: I work out 2 – 3 times a week, I play in a classical quartet one night a week, I socialize with friends, I Netflix and chill, I live in an awesome city, I have health benefits, I have the weekends off… the blessings go on and on. But every Sunday night, as I get myself ready for the week, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss. What have I done wrong along the road? I’ve always listened to my parents and my mentors. I finished school, which was a struggle and a half, I really wanted to become a traveling artist – of what, I have no clue…. I took the job that not only would accelerate my career, but one that also helps others. Everyday I think, there has to be more than this, working for the machine.

Why do we work so hard for such a small blimp in time, to come back into the grind, and forget about what truly is mine – time, my day and my night- should be spent as if I own it. Time spent should be for me. I’ve been daydreaming with my boyfriend lately, about this idea of dropping everything and working on organic farms around the world, touching the earth, learning how to survive on our own. We keep toying with the idea, and as much as I want to do it, I am completely terrified. We made a promise to keep pushing each other, the only thing stopping us is ourselves.

We have a goal set for January 2018; and I’m thinking of Portugal.

 

 

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