Watching her play “The Entertainer” on the keyboard,
I was completely overwhelmed with a vast ocean of dark emptiness.
I’ve completely dived into a realm where I did not belong.
I could never belong.
But I already knew this.
I didn’t know how to act or what to say.
I have nothing that has prepared me for this.
The little girl has so much excitement to see me
but I could care less about her.
She is not me, and I am not her.
There lay the initial problem.
The little boy has down syndrome.
he is the only person I can relate to
as we share the same bewilderment towards each other.
We stare with trouble
trying to comprehend these two lives crossing.
I can barely muster up a fake smile or laugh.
I can barely carry on a conversation.
What am I doing here?
I feel like a ghost who realizes everyone in the room can see me.
I sit in silent anger.
All this was premeditated.
So why then, am I choking?
This house in which I sit,
This music which fills up my ears;
This was all taken away from me.
And I’m the only one that really understands its magnitude on my soul.
Too much time has passed for anyone to try and put a bandage on the wounds.
Too much time has passed for anyone to cap the nightmares.
I was the only one that tried to split the gap.
I was the only one that cared.